How the story of one woman in the Old Testament termed the “Virtuous Woman” could still convey a complete marriage lesson that every Christian couple should benefit from today, is quite amazing One could say she was a business guru; but all the same she would bag an additional excellent award for both home and ministry affairs too! Her ministerial assistance to her husband in combination to her homely duties and business skills, made her husband to become a man of great repute among the council of elders. Let’s see the summary of this wonderful woman’s complete curriculum vitae.
1. Homely Support (Vs 15, and 21)
15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. This fearfully and wonderfully made woman was so committed to the welfare of her household, that she rises earlier than everybody else and makes sure that all important household tasks are not neglected.
2. Matters Pertaining to Business Investments (Vs 14,24)
14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. This virtuous woman didn’t bury her skills and education. Her major drive was to help her husband financially, and so she became an investor and balanced it with her home management. A godly woman should make use of her education and skills to help her husband when the need arises. She should seek for good opportunities for her to be productive.
3. Matters of Benevolence (Vs. 20, 26)
20 She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. 26 Sbe opens her mouth with wisdom, And on ber tongue is the law of kindness. This woman of noble character, a godly wife who understood that she was called to serve alongside her husband’s purpose or vision, deemed it extremely important to minister to the poor and to counsel those who need godly wisdom. Her words weren’t harsh to visitors and the needy. Nothing is so important as when couples are drawn together to serve the Lord. This makes her husband’s work a bit easy. Her being very busy didn’t distract her from helping her husband in offering help to the needy. Her invaluable and impeccable attitude, brought the writer of Proverbs to the place of awe that made him to ask, “A virtuous woman…..an excellent wife. (A woman of nobility,… a woman of great worth) who can find?” It’s so intriguing to read that A CHRISTIAN WIFE OF NOBLE CHARACTER DOES HER HUSBAND GOOD AND NOT EVIL ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE” (Pro. 31:12) Wow! This verse 12 seems to be the icing on the cake! Her determination to do her husband good all the days of her life, brings us to the fourth point…
4. Matters of Reputation (Vs. 23)
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
Gates here refers to where the elders take great. decisions and conduct the businesses that pertain to the governance of the land. It is like a legislative block or parastatal where great minds work, for the progress of the community. The men who gather at these kind of gates, are never mere men-but men of timber and caliber who commanded and dictated the wisdom for the city’s direction spiritually, economically and socially. These caliber of men are amongst whom this noble woman’s husband had gained no small reputation! Her antecedents aided her supportive husband in scoring a good reputation.
There’s just one thing we should know, which made it possible for this woman to attain this height of success as a virtuous wife. That is, the enabling environment the unflinching support provided by her husband! I believe she blossomed beautifully and powerfully under her husband’s love. And both of them became mutual beneficiaries of it all. Imagine the kind of introduction both of them would give to their colleagues! O how one day, after the end of time, Jesus, the head and husband to His church with godly pride and deep satisfaction, will excitedly present to Himself His chaste bride (virgin) – the church. This is the working of His love and dealings with the church which is presently on going through His love and forbearing grace
The mutual efforts of “two are (always) better than one. Friends are meant to help each other to do better. I believe marriage holds the highest level of human relationships-best of friends. I love the way the Message translation explains a wife’s submission in terms of supporting her husband: “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ-Eph. 5:22.
Your Husband is More than Your Boss
If you are a woman and earning so much money than your husband, please read this carefully! Your husband is more than your boss. Although you may see him as your partner or teammate – more so as the Bible puts it, joint heirs. Never forget to always remember that he is occupying a leading and an honorable role! God made it so, and that position cannot be negotiated or swapped. That is the way God has made it and you should accept and respect God’s will to honour your husband because of that position. Even though the world may call you the breadwinner which God never called you, you shouldn’t look down on your husband because of your business edge or financial success.
I have a problem with what the world says, when people say ‘respect is earned. When placed with divine principles of God’s love, if respect is truly earned, does it mean that if a husband suddenly fails to provide for his wife, his wife shouldn’t respect him anymore? This does not abrogate your divine role as a helper to your husband at home, nor remove the honour God has placed on him to be your husband and head. Your husband is more than your boss. You are the one who should lift up your husband by giving him the full respect as your head. You are to operate from your God-configured help-mode,’ with all of your skills, talents or financial status.
No Room for Competition
Couples are not to compete with each other. Lack of knowledge displayed by one spouse over what he or she has the capacity to do, can lead to insecurity and intimidation in the other. This seems to be more rampant in many cases where the woman has been known to earn more money than her husband, and still expected to be in full submission. The ungodly way the richer one the wife treats her husband, can make him withdraw from even trying to point out some wrong attitudes being displayed by her. But this is not how two friends who have vowed to be committed to one another ought to live! Everyone who comes into the covenant relationship of marriage should realize on time that their marriage belongs to God first of all. This therefore means that both persons would have to live and treat each other the way God wants them to. Looking again at the resume of the ‘Proverbs 31 virtuous woman‘, she must have at one time begun to earn more income from both her local and international business than her husband. And seriously enough, she kept the headship of her husband in high esteem. Her husband was not just highly known amongst the elders, but had his ministry well helped. She built him a good reputation.
Marriage troubles begin when partners start to live independently in the union where they are meant to live inter-dependently with the grace of life and gifts available to them. A lot of women who have used their wealth as a sign to assume headship over their husbands have ended up facing a lot of demonic attacks, which their husbands should have protected them from, had they been very submissive regardless of their status financially. Marriage is configured by God for couples to be complimentary in their roles and with their gifts out of Agape-the benevolent love of God.
CASE #2: She Gladly Made Him Spend Her Money for Both of Them
I used to know a lady who wasn’t so spiritual like many in church today. Her husband didn’t have a job and couldn’t provide for them. But, thus lady would see what the needed and then go tell her husband about it, and then she would give him money. She would take him to the supermarket and her husband would bring money from his pocket to settle her bills. She covered her needs and the needs of her husband too whatever he wanted as far as her money could take care of it. This is highly a prophetic way she desired for her husband. She loved that her husband would take care of her. But for his present state, that was not possible, so she covered his back. She didn’t attack her husband that he was poor or worse than an infidel What was so surprising about this couple was that, they were squatting with another family, yet there was such great peace between them.
Let me make myself clear at this juncture, lest I am misunderstood. I am not in any way supporting role reversal in marriage. I am just an advocate of the deeper relationship of friendliness in marriage as shown in scripture (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12); that when a husband and his wife give each other a helping hand in their own roles. Agape love, being a central part of God’s characteristics, is the best thing that could ever happen to humanity, through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Looking at its profound definition, I call it the redeeming love; transforming love, enduring love, benevolence love and the restoring love. But unfortunately, the world doesn’t know this love, and more painfully too, many believers have failed to utilize its potential too. A true child of God can’t be lazy with agape love alive in him!
When your best friend is down, what do you do? Castigate him? No! You will do all it takes to cover his back! The bible didn’t say a woman should respect or submit to her husband only when he is very rich. A wise woman can sacrifice her personal interest outside her husband’s to save their entire marriage when the husband is down financially. Space won’t permit me to talk so much about my wide. She has sacrificed so much during our baby years in marriage and in ministry, in order to make this her man stand today. Today, she still plays some financial help under her role, even though I’m playing more financially through the ministry. She is still my helper and won’t allow me to bulk under the family responsibilities. So, she still contributes toward the welfare of our home. In short, she takes more care of our children’s clothes and shoes than I have ever done, just to mention a few! It’s a mutual friendliness with no form of duress. We have grown through our differences and some life’s challenges; and have become processed as one!
- A team-work of husband and wife is very pivotal to having a successful marriage.
Lady! Stop looking only for the husband that would love you, while the only thing you do is just to receive! Stop making that your priority. Instead, make helping your man your main priority. Same goes for you, if you are the man. You should look for a woman to love as your sole priority. Each must prepare to play their basic role. Everyone is occupying a strategic role with its own sacrifice attached. And this, of course, generates divine returns as buttressed in Luke 6:38:
“Give, and it will be given to your good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you”
God has handed over a wonder working golden key to wives, in order to win their failing husbands fully back to God first, and loving them as well -1 Pet. 3:1-6. The greatest mistake many women make is when they attempt to slam the Bible on their husband’s head, so as to change them by force. Only God can change that husband of yours, but through your godly conduct and prayers! (See Vs. 1 & 2).
CASE #3: She Wanted to Change Her Man
A lady came to see me for counselling one early morning many years ago. As she sat there in front of me and went on and on complaining about what her husband did, I was asking the Holy Spirit to help me find what to say. And by the time she was done, I started to tell her about her attitude and how her husband was seeing ber-like “holier than thou. All of a sudden, she was so quiet, adjusted herself on the chair, looked at me and said: Pastor, did my husband call you?’ I answered her, Not He hasn’t called me. Immediately, she said, Pastor, I realize that I am the one to change. Please, help me tell him that I came to report him to your and you have spoken to me about it. Wow! That’s the kind of counselling I enjoy the most when the two are involved. Of course, I didn’t hesitate to call her husband, and reported to him how the Holy Spirit arrested his wife who came to report him. And the matter was settled.
Couples should know this; that no one can change the other person’s attitudes or character. Only God can! What each partner should learn to do, is to always bring the matter to God first, while making sure that his or her attitude is not repulsive to the Word of God and the Holy Spirit.
